Should Women Divorce?

Obviously there is not one answer to the question of whether Jewish women should seek divorce when they are unhappily married. Every situation is unique. But I think that there are considerations that are specific to the Jewish family.

First of all, I will state at the outset that, in the case of abuse - whether emotional, physical or sexual - women need to seek the appropriate mental health counseling. A rabbinical perspective alone, in my opinion, is insufficient to determine the safety and well-being of a woman. Too often women have been told just to "be nicer" to their husbands and everything will be ok.

Nor am I referring to the post-separation or divorce period, when angry men refuse to give their wives a get. These actions are intolerable and our society should not condone them.

On the other hand, at any time prior to divorce - when there is no abuse present but poor marital relations - I will now go out on a limb and state that I think 1) most marriages can be saved and 2) most women and men can be happy in their marriages. These goals constitute an awesome, but not impossible, challenge.

I am not talking about sacrifice here; I don't believe that women or men should martyr themselves. But learning to live within the limitations of one's life situation is the ultimate path to growth... and love.